Customer Service

The best customer service I ever received was from Nestlé. After buying a Kit Kat bar that had no wafer in it (it was just four slats of solid chocolate), I rang up the toll-free line and explained the situation to a friendly staffer. She told me this sort of thing happens from time to time, and that coupons for two free Nestlé chocolate bars were on the way. Days later, the coupons arrived, along with an extremely detailed account of what probably occurred (with the wafers no-showing) and why. Though some stores refused the coupons, all was right with the world. I still have that letter. If I had a scanner, I'd post it. A thing of beauty.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the Coinamatic laundry card refill machine in my lobby had changed. Gone was the old machine that accepted any bill; this new one, which actually involved more steps, only takes tens and twenties. Naturally, when you want to do laundry, the only money you're bound to have lying around is the kind that doesn't fit in the machine (don't get me started on the fact that it doesn't accept change). And filling your card with $20 for $5 worth of laundry seems like a dicey proposition - what good does my $15 do sitting unused in the card machine? Wouldn't it be better to stimulate the local economy by, I don't know, buying some gum, or something?

In any case, having to go out in the rain to get change for a twenty was no fun (it also led to the purchase of a late-night latte, followed by a fitful night of no sleep. Fuckers). So last week I decided to email Conamatic and let them know that this new system was something of a step backward - and to find out how this sort of decision gets made. If Malcolm Gladwell thinks that decisions made in an instant - without pause for second thought - are ideal, or at least worthy, surely some drawn-out consultative process must have led to the creation of the Shitty Laundry Machine. Perhaps there was some kind of government intervention that forced Coinamatic to dampen its competitiveness to level some kind of laundry-machine playing field. A reason shouldn't have been hard to find. Anyhow, here's the full email exchange between myself and the customer service rep (with names removed to heighten the mystery). The lesson: smarminess begats smarminess - not answers:

-----Original Message-----
From: XXXXXXXXX
Sent: Monday, May 23, 2005 2:04 PM
To: customerservice@coinamatic.com
Subject: what happened to the $5 bill machines?

Dear Coinamatic,

Recently, your company installed a new card refill machine in my apartment building in Montreal. The old machine accepted $5 and $10 bills. The new one will not accept fives, meaning you've got to pump your card up with extra cash, when all you really need is about five or six bucks to do a couple of loads. As five-dollar bills are more common than tens, and loading a card full of twenties is excessive, what's the rationale? Seems like an all-around bad decision.

Thanks,
XXXXXXX

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Hi XXX

Thanks for your email. I appreciate you contacting us with your concern.

The reason why we eliminated the 5.00 bill is because we were experiencing an influx of extremely upset customers resulting in service calls due to the bill continuously jamming the bill acceptor. We conducted a national study with our other branches across the country and found the results unanimous.

In conclusion, by replacing the bill acceptor we have eliminated a lot of aggravation and service calls.

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What specifically about five-dollar bills caused the bill acceptor to jam? And if the maching jamming is a concern, why not have a slot for coins?

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To be honest XXX, I'm not exactly sure why the frequency is higher on the 5.00 bills.

In regards to coins, this is the reason why the decision for reloader machine was installed at your location was to avoid coins. It's much more of hassle to gather exact change instead of using bills.

Make of it what you like - I'm actually surprised at the quality of the response, given what a jackass question that first email is. Then again, life is worth little without moments like those when "we have eliminated a lot of aggravation" and "it's much more of hassle to gather exact change instead of using bills" come across the daily terrain.

By the way, the customer service rep's point was valid; according to the Bank of Canada, $5 bills are not meant to last as long as twenties, which might explain why they have a habit of instigating angry phone calls. One last question: why do crown corporations get to have Web sites that are much cooler than the look & feel of the Government of Canada?